Inside
by addieredd
Summary: Haven't we all imagined what's going on behind the scenes of our favorite TV show? ALL FICTION! None of this is real - also a little AU
1. Hiding

"I think she knows." He whispered into her ear.

"What are you going to do about it?" she asked, trying not to draw attention to them standing in the corner talking to each other.

"I should tell her. It's time."

"Are you sure? Because I don't think I can tell him. I really don't know." She said in a concerned voice. She wanted to keep things as they had been for the last 5 years. But then she really didn't. She wanted him, and he wanted her, but there was no way of doing it. She was sick of all the hiding and lying, but then she couldn't tell her boyfriend. And he couldn't tell his wife. His _wife _for God's sake.

"I can't hide it any longer. And I don't want to. I love you. And I want to be with you, even if that means I have to commit social suicide." He smiled his perfect smile. She looked deep into his fascinating blue eyes. She was tempted to kiss him but her mind brought her back to reality.

"You have a wife and kids damn it. You can't throw your life away."

"I'm not throwing it away. I'm starting fresh. And there is no good in torturing my family, when the only one I want to be with is you." He said, getting a little louder. People started to turn around. Looking at them like they were some kind of freaks. It wasn't the first time they were observed standing in a corner, talking to each other. Everyone had seen the looks they exchanged. They were looks of passion, and deep true love. And pain. The pain that they couldn't be together. The pain that they had to hide. The pain that they were lying to their spouses.

"We're just learning lines." Sandra immediately said as she realized that people had started staring again. No one knew. Or at least almost no one.

Only one person knew. And only because she had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Ellen and Sandra were quite good friends, but Sandra wanted to keep her affair with Kevin as secret as possible. So they both didn't tell anyone. Until the day Ellen just walked in on them, their plan worked out really well. Afterwards Sandra and Ellen had a pretty big fight. Ellen was pissed that Sandra had never told he. Especially since it was going on for a really long time. Then she was shocked – she knew that they had an extraordinary chemistry on screen, but she'd never thought that it'd go that far.

They were all sitting at the table read. Shonda looked at Sandra, knowing what was about to happen. She was the only one who knew, what bomb Sandra was about to drop. The whole time, they both couldn't sit still.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah. Sure. The script is just really intense." That was a lie. The scene they'd just read was not intense at all. The thing she was about to tell everyone, _that_ was intense. When they finished the last scene, everyone got up, ready to leave. Shonda stood up and said: "May I have your attention for one more minute? Sandra's got something to tell you." She looked at Sandra, and she could see the sadness in her eyes. She took a deep breath.

"This is going to be my last season." She just blurred out. Everyone's face froze. There were a number of things they'd have expected, but this? Never!

"Believe me, this is not a decision I'm taking lightly. I really thought it through and I think it's in everyone's best interest if I'm leaving the show. I really hate it, but I think it's time to let Cristina go." She looked at Kevin. He knew what she wanted to tell him – it was time to let the love of his life go. Twice. One time as Owen, and one time for himself. The expression on his face was like someone had just told him that his mother had died. She could see the tears in his eyes. It broke her heart.

"What do you mean with 'in everyone's best interest'? Whose best interest?" Justin asked. He was confused because he knew how dedicated Sandra was to her work – pretty much the only thing she and Cristina Yang had in common. She stared at Justin. She had been afraid that someone would ask that question. But she thought Kevin would. _As if he hadn't had enough trauma for one day_. She thought. If she would tell them the truth right now, it would be like if she'd go nuclear. Especially for Kevin. But she had to. Sooner or later they'd find out anyway.

"The reason I decided that it was time right now, is that I'm pregnant. And I want to be there for my child. And I can so I will." That wasn't planned. She glared at Kevin who looked like he was in shock. His mouth had dropped open and he just stared at her.

"Wait, what?" Shonda said, confused, because she hadn't told her about her pregnancy at all.

"Congrats! Finally!" Ellen ran over to her and hugged her. "I know how long you and _Andrew _have been trying to get pregnant." That was the most embarrassing thing she could've said. And it wasn't true. And she knew it. Sandra could see in her eyes, that this discussion wasn't finished yet. Of course she suspected what the conflict of interest was here. After Ellen let her go, everybody congratulated her. When everybody had left, she picked up her script from the floor. As she looked up she saw Kevin, still standing in the corner of the room. He looked at her. And she stared back. There were no words. Just staring. Tears started coming up Sandra's eyes. This wasn't how he was supposed to find out.


	2. No Words

"So… Congratiolations, I guess. Andrew must be thrilled."

"He uhm… Yeah he is pretty excited." That was a lie. She hadn't even told him yet. She knew that the question he needed to ask was going to burst out eventually. He nodded.

"San I…" He started. But his voice cracked. He felt the need to hug her, to kiss her, to tell her that everything would be alright. That he would be there. But he couldn't. He had to know. What if this would really tie her to Andrew for the rest of her life? They both knew that her relationship with Andrew was just show. The only reason she kept it going… Well what was her reason really? As he thought about it, he realized that there really was no reason for her to be with him unless…

"Is it mine?" he finally blurred out.

She sighed. She had been afraid of that question ever since she found herself looking at a positive pregnancy test. And as much as she wanted it to be Andrew's, just to protect Kevin from what was about to happen to his marriage. But she knew there was practically no way Andrew could be the father of her unborn child.

"I… I'm…" now it was her voice that started cracking. She knew he saw the answer in her eyes. They had this way of being able to communicate without any language. Just by looking at each other they knew exactly what the other one was thinking. Of course this made their acting so much better. The chemistry had been there since the very beginning. While staring in his blue eyes, she remembered their first interaction.

"_Kevin, meet Sandra. Sandra, Kevin." They shook hands. Even though they had never met before, they felt like they'd known each other forever. While he held her hand for a little too long, she blushed a little and smiled. _

"_Pleasure to meet you, Mr. McKidd." She said, mocking him by not using his first name._

"_Likewise. And I won't call you Ms. Oh because I'm going to kiss you later today, so I think we should be on a first – name basis for that. Don't you think?" He gave her his most perfect crooked smile. She smiled back. _

"_Well maybe." She said. Teasing him a little bit. They both didn't realize that they'd been staring at each other for quite a long time. Shonda interrupted them._

"_I told you you'd like him Sandra. He's great, isn't he?"_

"_He definitely is." She said and caught herself smiling at the thought of kissing him in a few hours. _

His voice ripped her out of her thoughts.

"Sandra Miju Oh. Would you please talk to me?" He desperately asked as he stepped forward until he was standing right in front of her. Only he knew her ridiculous middle name. He used to mock her with it when he first found out.

"Kevin I'm so so so sorry. This wasn't how you were supposed to find out. I wanted to tell you tonight I promise. Justin just.. I should've talked to you first."

"Would you just answer my question please!" He was getting angry. He didn't understand what she was thinking.

"Do you really need me to answer it? Because if I say it out loud, it will be real and you… You're whole world will break apart and your family… You can't tell her. You have two kids and they are your family and I am as sure as hell won't break your family apart so I'm giving you an out. I mean you and Andrew have the same hair color and all that and it will mostly look like me anyway so no one ever has to know. I promise I won't..."

"YOU are my family. You are my best friend, my soulmate. I love my kids, but I love you too. And I _need_ you to say it out loud, so that it will be real. So that we can figure something out." She started crying again. She sat down on a chair, sobbing. He knelt down and put his hand on her leg. She looked up. How did he always just know what to say? That was one of the things he and Owen had in common. Both perfect gentlemen who always knew just what to say. Would she have to force such a good guy, to be the bad guy? Because in this scenario, he actually was the bad guy. He had cheated on his wife for 5 years now. She wasn't completely innocent, but he would still be the bad guy.

"San please. Let me be there for you. Let me help you. You're not alone. I'm here for you. Always. You know that right?" He said calmly, locking her eyes with his.

"Yes." She finally said. "And it is your baby. Of course it is your baby." A single tear rolled down her face. She did it. She had just destroyed a marriage for good.


	3. Truth and Consequences

_It was the last scene for the day. And their first scene together. He had been really nervous all day. Not sure how he was supposed to kiss her. It was his job on the line. Shonda had told him that if he'd do a good job, she'd hire him permanently. So it was all up to this scene. He closed the blinds. _

"_What are you doing?" he heard her say._

_He turned around and kissed her. It was a furious kiss, one that you never want to end. He grabbed her curls and pulled her face closer to his. He used his tongue and caressed her mouth with it. To his surprise, she returned the favor. For a second they both forgot that they were filming and that they weren't Sandra and Kevin. They were not the ones kissing. Cristina and Owen were. Or were they really? _

_Someone coughed silently to gently remind them that it was just a kiss – the rest might follow in later episodes. They broke apart._

"_I – I don't even know you." She said, trying to be back in character as fast as she could. She was a professional. He had noticed that before. But right now, it seemed as if she had trouble bringing Cristina back and hiding Sandra. _

"_So?" he responded. When he first read that line he had to smile. He really liked the way Owen was just so… direct. He gave her a seductive smile and left the room._

_They all applauded. It was very, very rare that someone shot a scene perfectly on the first try. _

"_Well someone's got chemistry here." Shonda smiled. She knew she had casted the right guy. They were just perfect together. _

"Honey are you okay?" Jane asked. Her husband had been very absent since the last table read. And he refused to tell her what was wrong. She put her hand on his shoulder.

"The kids are sleeping, we can talk if you want to. I'm really worried. What happened? You know that I don't read all the gossip websites, but my friend said… Well she said that Sandra was leaving after this season and… I guess I just wanted to hear it from you. I know that you too are very good friends." She said in a concerned voice. Of course she knew that there was probably more to the story. They were in Hollywood. There was always more.

He couldn't help but let out a sarcastic laugh. _Friends._ If it would only be that way. If he could only tell her that his best friend wasn't going to work with him anymore. If only he could spare her the pain of what was about to happen. She didn't deserve this. She was a good wife, a good mother. Sure she wasn't perfect, but she was a good person. He wasn't.

"Yeah. Yeah, she's leaving."

"Oh Honey I'm so, so sorry." She tried to hug him but he pulled away.

"She's pregnant."

"Well that's great news. She and Andrew must be so thrilled. She's always so good with our kids when you guys hang out. They love her. She'll be a great Mom." She said. Hoping that he wouldn't say what she feared he'd say. But the he did.

"It's not Andrew's. It's mine. I'm the father." She just stared at him while her eyes started tearing up. -

Andrew was sitting at the dinner table reading the newspaper. As she entered the room he looked up. She looked at him, not sure what to say. He got up and pulled a pink, very familiar looking stick out of his pocket.

"You know, if you take a pregnancy test and you're pretty sure it's not your boyfriend's baby, you shouldn't pick one that tells you how far you're gone. And then don't really hide it. Not really the nicest thing to do. I thought I'd tell you, just in case you're in this situation again." He said, pretty calm for someone who just found out that his girlfriend had been cheating on him.

"Andrew how did you…?" she was confused. She thought she'd hidden it well enough. But apparently he had been going through her stuff.

"First – I do the laundry. Always did. So it really wasn't the smartest move to hide it in your closet. And second, I'm not stupid. I can read. And count." Now he did get a little angry.

"I am really, truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you." She said with apologetic eyes.

"I know." He sighed. "Have you at least told Kevin that he's about to be the Dad of an adorable half – Asian baby?"

She stared at him. How the hell did he know? Maybe Kevin had talked to Jane and she had called Andrew. No, that wouldn't be her. But then how did he know.

He just smiled as he looked into her confused eyes. He loved her a lot. He'd do almost everything for her.

"You really thought I haven't noticed? It's been almost six years. Like I said before I'm not an idiot. Well maybe I am for loving you even though you're in love with someone else. But of course I know. I've known since that day you came home from work, after shooting your first scene with him. I looked at you and you just weren't the same as you were in the morning when you left. You came home a different person. But I guess that's what happens when you meet your soulmate right?" he smiled weakly. He had known for a long time that this conversation had to be held eventually.

"I think I should go, give you some space." He told her walking towards the door.

"Andrew?" she sadi with tears in her eyes.

"Yes?" he turned around, his hand still placed on the doorknob.

"I really hope you find your soulmate too, someday."

Then he left.


	4. Pointing Out The Obvious

Sandra knocked at the door to the office. The woman sitting behind the desk looked up and smiled when she saw her.

"Sandra, please come in." she said, offering her a chair. Sandra gladly sat down. Her feet had been killing her for the past few days.

"So what was so important that you needed to talk to me right away?" she asked curiously. Usually an invitation to Shonda's office didn't mean anything good. It either meant that she was going to do something horrible to the couple you were a part of, or it meant that your character died (or something in that category) which meant that you lost your job. Since Sandra had already announced her exit, it was unlikely that she was going to tell her something like that so early in the season. So it had to be about Cristina and Owen.

"Well I've decided to keep Marguerite around. She's lovely and I think it's exactly what Owen and Cristina need right now. Otherwise I'll never get them apart until the finale. I just thought you should know. So that you can prepare. I know that you two have some kind of… bond." She just said.

"What makes you think that you need to tear them apart? I think that they'll get back together eventually." She said quietly. The thought of Kevin kissing another woman made her sick. Literally. Seconds later she threw up in the bin standing next to her.

"Morning sickness?" Shonda asked with a little smile.

"I guess yeah. But I can work, I'm absolutely fine. And it seems like I won't get to kiss anyone in the near future so it doesn't really matter either." She said and got up. As she turned around, she heard her voice again.

"Not so fast, Ms. Oh. Or should I say McKidd?" She froze.

"What did you just call me?"

"Oh come on please, it's been SO obvious. And I know you split up with Andrew. And I know that Kevin's wife threw him out last night. First I thought it was just a silly coincidence, you two breaking up with your spouses on the same day. Especially since you had just announced to the whole cast that you were pregnant. So I asked myself, why would she do this? Why break up with the father of her child? And then when I found Kevin and a suitcase in his trailer this morning it all came to me. This isn't just about Owen and Cristina between you two. This is about Kevin and Sandra. Let me guess, you have been sleeping together for years now? Am I right? Of course I am. I mean first I really believed that my casting skills were just perfect. But then I realized, that there is nothing like perfect. Especially when it comes to on – screen chemistry. Yeah, I really thought you were an amazing actress. But it wasn't acting at all. Not the tiniest bit. It was all real. All those years. And it took me almost 6 years to figure it out. Well anyway, now I know. And I get to meet a Crowen baby. The real one. Makes eventual casting so much easier." She smiled. But it wasn't a happy smile. She was mad. Really mad.

"You can go now. And don't worry – I won't tell anyone."

It took Sandra a while to realize what just happened. As she walked down the corridor to get to the hair and make – up trailer she bumped into a big ginger guy.

"Hey there. I haven't seen you all day. I need to talk to you." He gave her his most amazing smile. She couldn't help but smile back a little. He always had that effect on her.

"Yes, yes we do need to talk. Shonda knows." Now it was his time to freeze.


	5. What Comes First

**A/N: Thank you guys for all the reviews – it's really encouraging. Keep those reviews coming! Very appreciated.**

"What do you mean 'She knows'?"

"She just called me to her office and told me that she figured it out." Her voice was still shaking a little.

"But I mean _how_?" He gave her a confused look. She just stared at him. Her eyes started tearing up. She loved him. With all his heart. But she didn't mean for this to happen. None of it. She didn't mean to ruin his marriage. To ruin his family.

"She told me that Jane kicked you out last night and you slept in your trailer." She said in a very low voice. He sighed. Of course someone had to notice. And of course, Shonda as the mastermind of affairs, had been able to connect the dots. It wasn't like she came up with stuff like that on a daily basis.

"Um… Yeah, she did. She kicked me out. I told her. I had to." He stepped forward, trying to put her hands in his. But then he realized that there still had to be something missing. Just because his wife had kicked him out, didn't mean that Shonda would immediately think of anything like that, would it? He stepped back.

"Wait – how would she be able to connect any dots if there was just one dot. My wife kicked me out. So why does that automatically mean that I'm sleeping with _you_?" his voice was very suspicious.

"I um… Well I might have…"

"Spit it San."

She took a deep breath. "I broke up with Andrew."

_The whole cast was out celebrating Kevin being added to the cast permanently. At least for the remainder of Season 5. But his chances of becoming a series regular were pretty good. It got very late, and they were all really drunk. Well most of them. But eventually everyone left at some point and Kevin and Sandra were the only ones still sitting next to each other at the bar._

"_You know, I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again – since we all thought you're just here for the first two episodes." She smiled. _

"_Are you trying to get rid of me? Because that might be hard, since I'll probably be kissing you at least twice a week" He mocked her. But he had to admit that the thought of kissing her at least twice a week was one of the best things that had happened to him in the past few weeks. He and Jane had had a huge fight over moving to the USA permanently, and she decided it might be best for all of them if she took the kids back to Scotland until everything was finally settled. _

"_Don't you have a wife and kids waiting at home?" She asked as he moved closer to her._

"_No. They're in Scotland, visiting family." He whispered, his mouth close to her ear. His voice had this seductive tone, she couldn't help but notice and find strangely hot._

"_Well I think I should be heading home." She said while getting up. She took her coat and headed towards the door._

"_Oh, and I'm really looking forward to working with you." She added as she turned around._

_While she was waiting for the cab to pick her up, she heard sudden footsteps behind her. She turned around and saw Kevin coming up the stairs from the pub. She smiled at him and rolled her eyes as he wrapped his coat around her shoulders. _

"_You're a real gentleman aren't you?"_

"_Yes I am indeed." He chuckled. _

_She leaned against his chest for support because now that fresh air was streaming through her lungs, she really started to feel the impact the alcohol on her body. He couldn't help but smell her hair as she leaned against him. It smelled like some kind of berry he had no name for. It was the sweetest scent his nose had ever smelt. Before he knew what he was doing, he whirled her around and kissed her. _

_She was overwhelmed. That kiss had come out of nowhere. But she didn't pull back. She responded to his kiss. As his tongue touched her lips, she opened her mouth a little bit to allow him entrance. No one had ever kissed her like that before. She grabbed his hair and pulled him closer to her. Their tongues were in a perfect harmony. It was the kind of kiss you see in movies. The one where you just forget the world around you. The one that makes you never want to stop. The one that makes you feel like a whole person. The perfect kiss. _

"_I think we should take the same cab. My place?" he asked as they eventually let go of each other for a second._

"_Why are we still talking?" she grinned as she pressed his mouth against hers. _

_That had been the first time they kissed as Sandra and Kevin. It had been the first night they slept together. And it was only just the start._

**A/N: So I hope you liked it – I'd love if you tell me in the reviews. More to come. Stay tuned.**


	6. Guilt

_When she woke up, she realized that she wasn't in her bed. She was in someone else's bed, but it wasn't her boyfriend's. But whose was it then? Suddenly pieces of the previous night came to her mind. Did she really..? She looked down. She was completely naked and to her right… Kevin. She held her breath. What did she do? What the hell did she do? She tried to cover her naked body with a blanket while grabbing her stuff from the floor. She was almost out when she heard his voice._

"_Where are you going?" He looked confused._

"_Kevin I'm sorry I never meant to do this. I know you're married and I really hope we can just forget it?" She asked, hoping that he would agree._

"_Forget? Well I guess it's what's best given that we'll work together. Plus I can kiss you there." He smiled. She knew he couldn't be serious. Little did she know that he was._

The guilt was eating her. Even so many years after their first… Incident. She was a good person. She wouldn't do that. At least that was what she had always told herself. But then she did do it. First she thought it would just be a one – night stand but it turned out to be so much more. She'd been so afraid, so guilty. It's not like she hadn't tried to ignore it. Oh boy she had been trying so hard. But at some point, it just became so normal, that she didn't even think about it anymore. And neither did he. They were so used to it that it felt like a natural habit. Until she got pregnant. That somehow made her realize what they'd been doing. She felt like she should just disappear in a giant whole right now. Letting him be with his wife and kids. But the thing was, she was having his kid too.

Suddenly someone knocked at the door.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What are you doing here?"

"Visiting my…"

"Girlfriend? Mistress?"

"I was going to say Lover but hey Mistress works for me too."

She couldn't help but smile. She loved his humor.

"Can I come in?"

"Oh yeah, sure, please." He had been here so many times, it felt like a second home to him. They'd spent a lot of time together here. Alone and with his kids, who adored Sandra. It always made him proud, it some weird way, that they loved her as much as he did. It also made him hopeful. Maybe they wouldn't be too pissed at him. Maybe. He sat down on the couch. She joined him.

"What are we doing? What the hell are we doing?" She said as she snuggled against his chest. "We should've just stayed with them. Perfect alibi. No one would've had to get hurt." 

"Right. Except for the baby that would've to live with this weird dude that wasn't his father. But sure that would've been the right thing to do."

"Will you stop being sarcastic?! This is nothing to make fun of."

He smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She turned her head around so that their noses would touch. She opened her mouth a little bit. He bent down and gave her a kiss. A real one. And before they knew they were back in their same old pattern of making out on the couch until one of them would take the other up to the bedroom. But today, neither of them did. Instead she pulled away.

"We really need to talk."

"Oh come on San. Really? Now?"

"Yes. Right now. Otherwise we never will."

"Well what is there much to talk about? I'll leave Jane, you and Andrew already broke up and the only person left to tell are my kids. Oh and my parents. Oh my God my Mom will kill me." He said lying back and closing his eyes. She chuckled. Her parents weren't going to be very happy either.

"I really hope that Joseph and Iona will still like me. I mean it's going to be their brother or sister."

"I'm sure they will be okay with it. They're good kids. And they love you. Probably more than they love me." He laughed. Suddenly a wave of nausea came over her. She ran to the bathroom as quickly as possible and she barely made it. Kevin followed her, concerned at first, but when he realized that it was "only" morning sickness, he calmed down a little. He knelt down next to her hand held back her hair.

"You really don't have to do this." She said in between her vomiting attacks.

"Oh yes I do. Because in about 8 months' time, you'll be cursing me for getting you in this situation and I can at least say I held back your hair." He chuckled.

"Well that seems like something to be excited for. Oh and just so you know, in about 7 months' time, and I'm cursing you already so you don't have to wait."

"You have every right." He tried to be serious, but couldn't help a little laughter. It always felt so natural with her. So right. Not easy, because of all the hiding, but relaxed. She was definitely the love of his life. And for one second he forgot that there was this other family. The other life he had. It was just him and Sandra on the bathroom floor. Somehow ironic, he thought.


	7. A Talk Between Friends

It had been a pretty good week. She was out of her first trimester and her morning sickness seemed to be subsiding. Also she was about to have her first scan. She wasn't entirely sure if she wanted Kevin to come. He was still married to another woman and his kids still had no idea what was going on. She had offered to take the kids for a day, so that Kevin and Jane could talk. Of course she'd promised not to say a word. But it had made Jane furious. She kind of understood why as she thought about it now. No one would like their children to hang out with their father's mistress who would also be the mother of their half – sibling soon enough. It was a messed up situation, but she was still happy. In a weird way at least. She didn't know why, but it felt like that everything was finally getting back to something like normal. Well as normal as possible. Work wasn't all that fun though because Shonda had kept her promise on keeping Marguerite. She hated seeing Kevin kissing her. And she was pretty sure that she felt Sandra's accusing glance on her back every time there was a scene between them. But apart from that, everything was fine. Ellen had tried to talk to her a couple of times, but she always managed to find an excuse to delay their talk. But today she didn't seem to be lucky. Since they had lunch break at the same time, Ellen took the opportunity and grabbed Sandra's arm and pulled her away to an empty room.

"What are you doing? I need to eat."

"You can do that later. WE are going to talk. NOW."

"Ellen I don't – " she started but got interrupted.

"Okay listen, I know we aren't soulmates like Cristina and Meredith, but I still think that 10 years of working together makes us at least friends. And since you're my friend, I am going to talk to you about your… Well, personal life."

"Alright. What do you want to know?"

"What are you going to do? With Kevin I mean. It's not like I haven't heard the gossip, but I still would like to hear it from you."

"Well he told Jane, and Andrew figured it out. I tried to keep him out of it, but he doesn't want to. So I basically ruined a marriage. And a friendship if you count Jane as my friend. Oh and she won't tell the kids, what I respect, of course, but at some point, I am going to be the mother of their half – sibling so I think they should know at some point."

"So it's true? Kevin really moved out?"

"Well he usually just sleeps somewhere else. They're trying to make it easier for the kids. What?" She looked at Ellen who gave her a glare.

"It's not like you haven't cheated on your husband with a co – worker either. So you don't get to judge me. You were just lucky your baby turned out to be half black."

"How the hell do you…?" She got a little angry.

"Oh please. I've been doing it for a long time, I know how it works. Even though you two aren't together anymore are you?"

"Okay me and Patrick, that was a long time ago. That was in season 1 and then again in 5 & 6. And just occasionally. We never were like you and Kevin."

"Sure. If you say so."

"Yes, yes I do. And as a matter of fact, I never had any doubts that my daughter was my husband's. Never. Just so you know. And at least I was smart enough not to get caught."

_They were kissing furiously and pulling each other's clothes off until they were both naked on the bed. Trailers were such a good hiding place. They were so focused on each other, that they didn't realize that they forgot to lock the door. They were right in the middle of it when suddenly the door opened and Ellen walked in._

"_OH MY GOD. What on earth are you doing?"_

_They froze. Sandra was the first to move again. She wrapped a blanket around her body and got up. Ellen was about to turn around and leave._

"_Ellen wait." She shouted. "Kevin you should go. NOW." She said turning around to the bed. He did as he was told. He put on his pants and shirt as quick as he could and walked out. Before he closed the door, he turned around and looked at her with apologetic eyes. _

"_Okay am I getting an explanation or what?"_

"_Yes. Well, no. 'Cause I kind of don't have one."_

"_Did you and Andrew break up?"_

"_No why would we?"_

"_Because you're sleeping with your co – worker. Might be a viable reason don't you think? But anyway, you do know that Kevin's married right?"_

"_Of course I do. And yes I know that he has kids. I've met his family. They're nice."_

"_So he brought his mistress to family dinner? God that's just pathetic."  
"Well he invited me as his best friend. And I am his best friend."  
"So what? Friends with benefits?"_

"_No. It's not like that. I really love him."_

"_Then why not tell anyone?"_

"_I just want to keep this quiet and private. It's none of anyone's business. My life, my choices."_

"_Well if that is what you want, I won't tell anyone, promise. But you should really do something. That's no way of living. You'll go crazy at some point."_

"_You don't know that."  
"Oh yes, I do know that. Trust me. I know." And with that, Ellen left the trailer._

**A/N: Please review! It's really helpful and motivating!**


	8. Heart To Heart

„Mommy, when is Daddy coming home? I miss him!"

"I know Iona, but I think Daddy has a lot of work to do right now. You know they just started the new season. It's always the busiest time of the year."

"I know but I want him to read to me before I go to bed tonight."

"Okay. How about we call him and ask if could come home early tonight?" The little girl smiled at the idea of having her Dad read to her again. He hadn't done it in a while. Mainly because she was pretty grown up by now and kept telling her parents that she was a big girl now. But every now and then, she liked the feeling of her father's arms around her while he was telling her a goodnight story.

So Jane called her husband. When Kevin picked up the phone he was rather surprised to hear his wife's voice.

"Jane? What can I do for you?"

"Kevin. Iona is asking if you could read to her tonight. She misses you. You haven't been exactly here for us lately…" 

"Which is, if I may remind you, not only my fault. You kicked me out remember?"

"Oh don't talk about whose fault it is to me. Don't you dare." She sounded very angry.

"Well let's save this conversation for later. I'll be over in 30 minutes."

The hotel he was staying at wasn't too far from his home. He really missed his kids, as he didn't get to see them as often as he would've wanted to. They still had no idea what was going on. And he wanted to be the one to tell them. But then he really didn't. He was afraid that they would resent him for cheating on their mother. Especially with Sandra. When he arrived at his house, he rang the doorbell. A tiny blonde creature opened the door.

"Daddy!" She screamed while jumping into her father's arms. Her older brother Joseph came around the corner and joined the family hug.

"Hey guys. I thought you were too old for this?" he asked with a smile on his face. He loved his kids more than anything.

"We may be 10 and 12, but we still love our Dad." Joseph said wisely.

"Well I'm glad to hear that." He pressed his kids against his chest.

"Can we go upstairs and you tell us a story?"

"Of course. I'd love to. Where is your mother by the way?"

"Oh probably in the kitchen"

"Tell you what. You two get ready for bed and I'll be up there in just a minute." He said as he walked toward the kitchen. The kids nodded and ran up the stairs.

"Jane."

"Kevin."

"Can we talk? Please?"

"I don't know what there's left to talk about. You're having a baby with you mistress. The woman you love right? The woman you introduced me to as your best friend. The woman that watched and played with OUR kids. The woman I really saw as a friend at some point. Yeah. I don't think there's anything left to talk about." Her voice cracked. She had tried so hard to play the strong independent woman, but she just couldn't hold back. She felt the tears in the corner of her eyes. She whipped it away. Kevin looked at her with the most apologetic eyes. He was hurt. Deeply hurt. Because he had hurt her. His wife. His _wife_ for god's sakes.

"I am more than sorry for everything I've done to you Jane, I really am. You have to believe me. I never meant to hurt you. It just – "She cut him off in the middle of his sentence.

"You never meant to hurt me? Are you serious right now? What on earth were you thinking then when you jumped into bed with her? That I'd be okay with it? That you could just live a double life and no one would notice? 'I never meant to hurt you.' You gotta be kidding me." She yelled now. Loud. She was finally getting it off her chest.

"Wait, what do you mean with 'No one would notice'? You didn't know did you?"

She sighed. Sometimes he was really slow.

"No Kevin, I didn't _know_ but I knew. I had a feeling. I just never wanted it to be true. You're an amazing actor but sometimes you just couldn't hide it. Especially when she was playing with the children." She had calmed down a little. Of course it had been cruel to watch her husband looking so lovingly at another woman, but she couldn't deny how amazing Sandra was with her kids and how they both admired her.

"You know," she continued, "every Thursday when we were watching the show, I could tell what was real and what wasn't."

"What do you mean with that?"

"Well you both are usually very good just dividing between Owen and Cristina and Sandra and Kevin. You would always be in character, except for those very few times where you slipped back into Sandra and Kevin. And I don't think I need to tell you which scenes I'm talking about. Oh one of my favorites is the one in season nine when Cristina tells Owen that she wanted to try again and he said that he wanted a divorce and then they kissed and did it on the couch. Man were you out of character then. And don't say they made us take our clothes off because I know Shondas' rules. If you don't want to be naked, you don't have to. Funny how Cristina and Owen are _always _naked. She really is dedicated to her work isn't she?"

"Jane that's enough. You have every right to be upset with me, but leave Sandra out of it. If you want to be mad, fine, be mad at me. But not at her."

"Leave her out of it? LEAVE HER OUT OF IT? You do realize that _she _is the problem right?" She was furious. He did he dare saying something like this. He didn't respond at first. He knew she wouldn't be reasonable. Plus he heard Iona and Joseph upstairs finishing up for bed.

"I want a divorce." She said, "I want a divorce and I want it now. We can do it under the radar. Keep it private. I don't want to destroy you publicly. But I don't ever want to be with you again. We are over."

He nodded. He knew she was right. There was no getting out of this situation. He was glad that she promised to keep it quiet.

"I'll call the lawyers first thing in the morning." He couldn't help but feel sad. She had been his wife for almost 14 years. He was allowed to grief a little. But then he thought of Sandra. He would finally able to be with her without having to sneak around.

"Thank you." She said.

"Oh and one other thing – "she looked up again as he asked her, "Do you mind if I tell the kids? Like tonight? It's my mess therefore I should talk to them."

"Okay." She just responded. It was finally over. She was out. She was free. It was over. She sat down on the kitchen floor and cried as he walked out.

"Iona? Joseph?"

"We're here Dad. Iona's room." Joseph called.

Kevin walked in his daughter's room. It was all pink and very girly. He sat down on the bed. Both of his children were cuddled up under the big blanket.

"So before I tell you a story, there is something else I need to talk to you guys about." He sighed. He wasn't really sure how he was supposed to tell his children but he had to give it at least a shot.

"It's about you and Mom right? We heard you arguing." Iona said quietly.

He smiled a sad smile. "Yes honey, it is. Your mother and I… Well you know sometimes something happens and then you argue and you decide to do certain things and it doesn't really turn out well."

"You're getting a divorce aren't you?" Joseph interrupted. Kevin was puzzled. He sighed and answered.

"Yes. Yes we are. But that doesn't mean we won't see each other. We'll figure something out and I'll talk to you guys on the phone. You won't even realize that I'm gone. Promise." He had to keep himself from crying. It was a heartbreaking image. They looked at him with sad eyes.

"Why?" Iona inquired. That was the question he had been afraid of. There was nothing worse than having to tell his kids what he had done. But there was no getting out. He took a deep breath.

"I… I had an affair." He knew they were still young, but he decided it was best to be straight with them. "I had an affair. With someone I truly love. She is very important to me. I know it might be hard for you to think of me loving someone other than your mother, but sometimes you find your soul mate and you know that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And when you do, meet that person, that special someone, you shouldn't hesitate as long as I did. Because it's going to escalate at some point. And that's not good. You know what I mean?" He desperately hoped that they wouldn't be mad.

"'Who is she?" Iona asked. Joseph was rather silent. He wasn't sure what to think. He wanted his father to be happy, but he was afraid that he'd forget him if he started a new family.

"Well umm… Sandra. I know how much you like her so I hope it won't be too hard for you. And I hope you won't be mad at her. Or me. Because… Well we're having a baby. And it's going to be your sibling. Well half sibling but still."

"Sandra? Really? I mean we love her, she is great but it is kind of weird to have her as a stepmother. But we'll try our best."

"So you're not mad?"

"No we aren't. I mean it could be so much worse. Plus I'm going to have a baby sister or brother which means I get to be a big sister. Finally." They got up and hugged their Dad, who was crying now. He'd expected a lot. But this? Never! He was so happy. He finally was on the right way to have it all.

**A/N: I know it's a pretty long chapter but I hope you like it. Please leave your reviews!**


	9. Love, Love, Love?

"She says she wants a divorce."

They were sitting on the couch. She stared at him as he got her updated on the latest events that had taken place in his home. Or ex – home?

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Well are you considering it?"

"I called my lawyer today."

"Oh Kevin don't. I know that you love her. She is your wife, the mother of your kids. I really can't ask you to do that. And what will your kids think oh god they're going to hate me."

"That was the thing I was going to say next. I told them. I talked to them."

"You _what_?"

"I told them because it was time."

"It was _not _time. You and Jane have barely talked and a divorce shouldn't be rushed. Really go home and think about it again. Talk to her. I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Oh trust me she did." He said getting up to get another cup of coffee for him and tea for her. She had always liked tea better than coffee anyway so it wasn't a big thing to give up on caffeine for her.

"I ruined your marriage. And I probably traumatized your kids for life." She said burying her face in her hands.

"Right, back to the kids. I think they took it well. Of course they aren't happy that their parents are getting a divorce, but when I told them it was you they were kind of okay with it. Iona said it could be worse. Plus she is happy to be an older sister." He chuckled.

"Really? I mean that's great. I guess. But it still wasn't right to tell them yet. It's too early."

"It is great, indeed. But why do you think it's too early? Too early for what? By the way you never even told me how far along you were. I need to mark the day in the calendar." He said with a smile.

"Well out of the first trimester for sure. I should really see my OB but I just haven't had the time yet."

"You mean you've never actually checked? Like, never had an ultrasound?"

"I mean yeah I did, but that was a pretty long time ago so I…"

"So you're saying you have a picture of our baby and you kept it from me that long?"

"Well… Yeah. But like I said that was like 2 or 3 months ago."

"Out with it. Now."

She got up and walked over to her purse and took out a small ultrasound picture. She gave it to him. He had seen it before sure, he had been happy before too, but it felt just great to look at his baby again. He kissed her on the cheek.

"It is beautiful San… But wait, that was really two and a half months ago. So you're like 16 or 17 weeks now?"

"How come that you're not showing."

"Oh I am. I'm just wearing loose clothes and as you know the scrubs are generally loose so I just moved up a size. Can't say I'm very pleased to get fat, but I mean I'm having a baby so it should be worth the effort." She smiled. "Plus you haven't seen me naked in a while. Which means you couldn't notice that way either."

"Well then, let's change that and give me look at my baby in there." He pulled her down to kiss her. Her body immediately responded. She had been craving him for a while but held back. Now that their lips met she couldn't hold back anymore. She didn't want to hold back. She loved him. She was just too scared to admit it. Maybe it was time.

"I love you." He whispered in her ear.

"I love you too." She finally said it out loud.


	10. In A Family Way

**A/N: I am so sorry that I haven't updated in a while but my computer was broken so it took some time to get it fixed. But I'll promise to update more now!**

She was pacing up and down the hallway. She had hardly ever been that nervous. She wasn't sure how either of them was going to react. She liked them a lot, sure, and apparently they liked her a lot either but it still wouldn't be the same. It was never ever going to be the same again. She still hadn't made up her mind about the whole divorce thing. She wasn't sure if it would make him happy. His family was the most important thing to him. And she knew that. So was breaking his family apart really the best decision for him? He had told her over and over again that he was sure, that he wanted to be there for her, but she still wasn't sure he meant it. It wasn't like she couldn't take care of herself. No, she had plenty of money, a beautiful house and a job she adored. But she hadn't quite yet realized that she would lose this job in a few months. Everytime she had to give an interview, the subject was brought up. Of course she always had the same answers. That she was ready to let Cristina go, that it was time that she felt like she wanted something else for a while. Never not once she mentioned her pregnancy. It was well hidden behind loose clothes and good camera men. Plus she had turned out to be a woman who didn't show that much. She managed to get through all the interviews, all the fans who were begging her to stay and her family who also had no clue what was really going on. But today she was nervous. She was nervous because it was the first time that she would see Kevin's kids since they had found out about their father's affair with her. He had been very reassuring the past couple of days but she was still beyond nervous. Finally there was a knock on the door. She took a deep breath and opened it.

There they were, standing together as a family. A father and his two kids. They all looked a lot alike. She thought of her baby and realized how strange it would look for a half Asian baby to be seen with all those tall blondes. But it still was a beautiful picture. She smiled.

"Hey there! Can we come in or do you want to leave for the zoo right now?"

"Um just come in for a second I'll just have to grab my coat and put on my shoes and then we'll be on our way."

"Okay."

As they walked into the actually very familiar house, they felt so right and so wrong at the same time. How many times had they been playing in this particular living room, how many times had they been sitting in this kitchen eating dinner with their family? Now it was all in bits and pieces. At least that was what it felt like. Their father, of course, had told them they wouldn't have to choose, that both of them would still be their parents and that everything was going to be alright. But for some reason it didn't feel like it was all going to be okay. Here they were, standing in the house of their father's mistress and about to go to the zoo with the both of them when their parents weren't even divorced yet. Their world had just been turned upside down in less than a week.

"Hey you kids are being awfully quiet. I have never seen you like this is. Is everything okay?" Sandra asked trying to make her voice sound as pleasant as possible. Of course she knew that nothing was alright.

"Yeah, we're fine. Just a little tired."

"Okay. Well you better wake up until we get there because we're going to have a lot of fun." Her voice sounded a little too cheerful. He took her hand and squeezed it while his other hand rested on the steering wheel.

They were walking through the park, not holding hands, because they didn't want to let the press know what the point of this little "family trip" really was. For someone who didn't know what was going on, it just looked like a nice trip to the zoo with his kids? The good thing was that they had done things like this before. Making a trip with his kids, being just friends. So no one would notice the difference from afar. But if you knew what was going on behind the scenes, you could feel the tension that was hanging in the air like a thick dark cloud.

Iona had sat down on a bench, staring straight ahead. When Kevin saw his daughter sitting there he wanted to turn around and sit there with her. He could tell that something was wrong with his little girl. But he wasn't the only one who saw it. Sandra had spotted the little blond girl sitting on the bench too.

"Don't worry I got it." She said and put her hand on his shoulder to hold him back. He smiled at her thankfully. He knew that Iona really trusted Sandra. Or at least had. He truly hoped that he leaving her mother wouldn't change that.

"Hey there. Are you alright?" She asked as she sat down. Subconsciously she folded her hands around her belly. Iona looked up at her. Now Sandra saw the tears in her blue eyes.

"No." The little girl simply said.

"You want to talk about it?"

She didn't respond. Sandra sighed.

"Look, I know the situation you're in right now is… Well I don't have a better word so… It's crappy. I know it really, really is. And believe I am painfully aware of that. I hate to see you and your brother suffering. I wish… I wish everything would just go back to normal. Back to how it was before…"

"Yeah I wish that too." She started to cry. "But you know, you make him so happy. I know he loves, or loved, Mom too, but you… Everytime he sees you his face lights up. I used to think that you just were his best friend. But now… You're the love of his life. If something like this really exists. And as much as I would like you to leave my family alone, I know it would break his heart. I lie in bed at night and I wish he never met you so we would still be a family. But I know he needs you to be happy. I'm just worried that…"

"That what?"

"That he'll forget me. That he'll forget about me and Joseph when you have the baby. That you and the baby will be his new family and that he'll forget about us. We're his kids too."

"Oh Iona he loves you so, so much. You are the best thing in his life. You're his kids. He is never going to forget about you. Never in his entire life. I can promise you that. And we will all be a family. You'll be this baby's big sister. He or she needs you. And I need you too."

She started to cry. Sandra lay her hands around her and pressed her to her chest.

"It's going to be okay I promise."

At that moment Kevin walked over, followed by a very worried looking Joseph.

"Are you two okay?"

"Yes we are. Right Iona."

She whipped the tears off her face and smiled.

"Yes Dad. We're fine."

"Well I'm glad my two favorite ladies are getting along."

"We may be three."

"What?"

"You know it could be a girl. So we would be your three favorite ladies." Iona smiled. Kevin sat down on the bench, next to Sandra. Joseph made himself comfortable in his lap. Kevin put his arms around his family and laid his flat hand on Sandra's stomach. As they were all cuddling on the bench they completely forgot that they were in public. And only one second later a reporter jumped out of a bush and all they saw was the flashlight of his camera.

**A/N: So I really hope you liked it and I'm always happy about reviews!**


	11. Paparazzi

_They were looking at each other. There was a confused look on her face as she was not quite sure what to expect. Of course Sandra was, but Cristina wasn't. It was a strange room. Apparently somewhere down in the basement. There were pipes all over the room. She looked around. Then back at him. He smiled. A smile that was full of excitement and love. Of course he knew exactly what was about to happen. _

"_Just wait. Wait."_

_And then there it was a gush of air came from the vent she was standing on. Her hair was blown away in all directions and she felt the wind underneath her clothes. She couldn't help but laughing. She looked at him in amazement. It really cleared her head. She felt like she was born again. After looking into his ice blue eyes for a little too long, she sighed and smiled._

"_Amazing right? It clears your head."_

_She nodded._

"_Anything can happen on the vent." He said and put on a seductive smile as he bent down to kiss her. He took her face into his hands so that she would be as close to him as possible. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him instinctively closer. It felt so right kissing him. As if they had been doing it for their whole lives. _

She didn't quite know why she remembered this scene so clearly, given the situation she was in right now. People react completely different in stressful situation. She mostly tried to avoid them. Which is not the easiest thing to do if you're famous. Well maybe not world famous like Johnny Depp or Meryl Streep but famous enough to be stalked by paparazzi while sitting on a bench enjoying a moment with her family. Paparazzi basically were in their job description. But still, neither of them had thought of that. For that one, careless second they both completely forgot about the men and women with the cameras and recording devices. So what now? Jump up, hide their faces and just leave? Or keep sitting and being photographed and answering possibly embarrassing questions about their personal lives? Both options could lead to revealing the truth about the moment on the bench. The truth. The truth was what it looked like. Two lovers sitting on a bench in the zoo with their adorable kids. The only problem was that she wasn't the mother of the two children and her "lover" was married to another woman. It wouldn't have been _that _unusual if they both weren't pretty famous TV stars and Co – workers. When you thought about it, it was a really screwed up situation. But a decision had to be made. Now. Of course her first instinct was running away, she was a very private person, but still. Wouldn't it be too obvious?

"Sandra, Kevin! Look here! Here Sandra! Kevin! Could we get a picture with the kids?" 

He had instinctively jumped up and had pulled his kids out of the flashlight. His hand found Sandra's and he pulled her up as well. He looked into the cameras with a faked smile and pulled his family away. He was very careful not to be too protective of Sandra because that would've definitely sparked attention, since rumors about them had been out there since almost day one. But at the same time he had to look out for her bump. He was sure he had handled the situation well. No one saw her bump or him hugging her like... Well, like a boyfriend.

"Freaking paparazzi. Can't have a second alone with my family." He said clenching his teeth. Sandra laid her hand on his back and rubbed it, trying to calm him down. The children looked at their Dad, scared. He saw their worried faces and pulled them closer, planting a kiss on each forehead.

When they reached the gate, they saw about eight or nine journalists, as they called themselves, standing in front of their car. There was basically no chance of getting there without being exposed. As soon as they were spotted, a bunch of them came running towards them. She started to shake. It always made her nervous when she was somewhere that wasn't an official public event and paparazzi kept following her. She wanted to hide, just run away, but before she could move her feet, the first one had already reached them. The second one followed. Then the third, the fourth... Kevin grabbed her arm and pulled her forward, but they were trapped in a circle of flashlights. She couldn't see her hand in front of her face because the flashlights blinded her. She could barely breathe. She felt her chest getting heavier as she desperately tried to hide her secret from being exposed to the whole planet. She just couldn't function anymore. She felt her eyelids closing and her face hitting the wet grass. She heard screaming and hands touching her, trying to wake her up, but she just didn't want to. She didn't want to face the lights and people around her again. So she just drifted off into the welcoming darkness.


	12. News

"Is she going to be okay?"

"At the moment it looks like she just had a panic attack. I mean with all those paparazzis, you can't really blame her can you?"

"But she'll be okay?"

"I would say yes, but we'll only be sure when she wakes up. We've sedated her so that she can rest for a while. Was she having a lot of stress lately?"

"Not more than usually I'd say. Stress kinda come with the job." 

"Okay well she should try to slow down a little. Especially given her... Condition. It's not good for either of them. Plus she isn't the youngest anymore."

"I know, I know. But we're almost done with the first half of the season so there we'll be a break. She can relax then."

"She needs to relax _now_. Her blood pressure is a little higher than we would like it to be so she has to be really careful."

"I'll make sure of it."

"Shouldn't we call the father of the baby? I'm pretty sure he'd like to know what's going on."

"Um... I think he is out of the country right now but I can try to reach him."

"Thank you."

"Can I see her?" 

"I'll get you as soon as she wakes up."

"Okay thank you."

Her eyelids fluttered open. She was a little irritated. Where was she? And where did the bright light come from? She tried to open her eyes a little bit more but she couldn't. It was just too bright. She let out a sigh. She felt someone touching her hand and squeezing it. She closed her fingers around the familiar hand. She turned her hand and looked into a very familiar pair of very blue eyes. He smiled in relief. She smiled back.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What happened?"

"The paparazzi chased us and you passed out."

"Oh.." Now she started to remember. The flashlight, the zoo, Kevin holding her hand, the kids...The kids.

"Where are the kids?"

"I took them back to Jane. She's worried too."

"Why don't I believe you when you say that your wife is concerned about your mistress?" She smirked.

"Good point, but I think she really meant it. She knows how much you mean to me."

"Sure she does..."

He stroke a curl out of her face. He had that look on his face. The look of someone who was completely and fully in love. She couldn't help but smile. Oh how she loved this expression on his face. It gave her strength and hope. Hope that one day everything would be okay. She instinctively put her free hand on her stomach.

"The baby is fine. Your blood pressure is a little high so they're going to keep an eye on that but apart that, the baby is okay."

"Good." She simply stated. High blood pressure. She knew that something like this was going to happen eventually. She wasn't the youngest anymore and she knew it was pretty much a high risk pregnancy. She just hoped it wouldn't cause too much trouble.

Her hand rested on her bump. Suddenly she felt something. It was like a flutter. She had felt it before, but not as intense as now. She smiled.

"I think our baby is kicking." She took his hand and placed it right where she felt the kicks. His face lit up as he felt the slight movement under his fingers.

"He or she seems to be very active today. I take it as a good sign."

"Well let's hope so."

"You shouldn't worry too much. It's not good for your blood pressure."

"Yeah. I know. Do you know how long they're gonna keep me here?" She started to feel a little uncomfortable. Probably just a post – concussion thing. She hoped.

"Um I think at least another day."

"Okay I can live with a day. God I hate hospitals..."

"You do know how funny it sounds when you say that right?" He chuckled. She gave him a glare.

"I think you should go. Like talk to the kids or something. I'm sure I traumatized them. Tell them I'm very sorry."

"They'll be okay. But are you sure you want me to leave?"

"You know, I'll be okay with out you for a little while. But only a little." She grinned. He gave her a kiss.

"Okay but I won't be long. Promise."

She was released from the hospital the next day. Her BP was almost back to normal so she just had to be monitored more closely. Kevin had decided to stay with her for the next couple of days to take care of her. When they arrived at her house, he helped her out of the car and guided her to her bedroom.

"You stay here and rest. I'll make sandwiches and tea. Okay?"

"Okay. But hurry. I'm already bored."

"You're impossible."

"I know."

When he finished preparing the sandwiches and the tea he took it all up to her room. He found her all curled up under a blanket, sleeping. He felt bad to wake her up but she had to eat.

"Hey sleepyhead. Food's ready."

"Mmmh... Smells delicious." She said yawning.

"Well let's say I did my best."

They ate in silence. After they finished she snuggled up next to him. She always liked resting on his breast. Hearing is lungs filling and emptying again. It calmed her down.

"You know that the baby is now old enough to live outside me. Hypothetically. I don't know why that calms me down, but it somehow does."

"I hope it's gonna stay in there as long as possible. I don't think a preemie is something I'd like."

"I'm not saying I'd like it to be born now, I'm just saying if my blood pressure is too high again, it has a chance to live anyway."

"That sounds... Really dark."

"I guess it does. I don't know why I said it, forget it."

"You know we kinda have to go back to work tomorrow? Last day for the first half of the season. You think you'll be okay?"

"Oh I am so going to work tomorrow, you have no idea."

"That's my girl."

"Hey um could you pass me the newspaper please?" He took it from her nightstand and passed it to her. She opened it and started to read. Suddenly she let out a sharp breath.

"Tell me that this is not true. How did they find out?"

"What? Who found out what?"

He was concerned by the look on her face. It was fear and desperation. She handed him the newspaper with empty eyes, just staring against a wall. He looked at it and held his breath. This was bad. Really bad. He took her hand, not knowing what to say. He wondered why their agents hadn't called yet. Usually they were the first to know when something like this happened. Then he realized that he had turned off his phone.

"Is your phone on?"

"No. I think I lost it in the zoo when I collapsed. That's probably why I didn't know. I guess yours is off?"

"Yes it is."

"Damn it."

He switched it on. 48 missed calls. He closed his eyes and dialed the number of his manager. He picked up after two rings.

"WHAT DID YOU DO? KEVIN MCKIDD DO YOU KNOW IN WHAT SITUATION I AM RIGHT NOW?! NOT SO FUN." He yelled. Kevin sighed.

"I'm sorry. I really am. My phone was off because I'm at Sandra's. She was released from the hospital today and - " the angry voice interrupted him.

"Sandra's? SANDRA'S? Does your reputation mean anything to you? I mean I guess not because otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation right now. You got to be kidding me... WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!"

"We didn't plan on that. I promise. I would've given you the heads up if I knew..."

"NO EXCUSES." he yelled again. Sandra could hear the voice through the phone. She was still in shock and was just staring at the wall in front of her.

"Headline on FIVE newspapers in this town. You just wait until this gets out in the world."

_Sandra Oh pregnant – but who is her baby daddy?_

"I can honestly not believe you were that stupid. Both of you."


	13. Plans

**A/N: First of all, thank you so much for all your kind reviews. It means a lot to me. Someone asked me how far along Sandra was. Well I'd say 27 weeks. I said that it _could _survive outside her body, not that it should. It would be early and chances wouldn't be good, but it would be possible. So yeah. And someone told me to write something with her parents. Believe me or not, I had that already planned. Don't worry.**

"You are NOT leaving this house, understood? No matter what happens, stay in there. I'll go there and we'll figure something out okay?"

"Okay. But how are you gonna get in? I mean there are probably like a million paparazzi out there."

"Don't worry I'll take the back door. See you in 30 minutes. And don't panic. We'll... We'll figure something out."

"We're not panicking. But whatever you have in mind better be good."

"He said he'd come here and we'd figure this out together. We're in this together. Do you hear me? We're in this together."

"Okay."

"Will you stop staring at the wall please? Can you just look at me so I can assure you that everything will be okay?"

No answer.

"San? Come on just talk to me please? I know this is not how this was supposed to come out but it happened. So can we just talk and talk? Please?"

"How do you know that it's going to be alright? Like, I am serious, how can you promise me that this is not going to destroy our reputations. How?" Her eyes were teary and her voice shaky.

"You're right, you're absolutely right. I can't promise you that it's going to be fine. But I can promise you that I will do everything I can to make it right. Okay? Can we just try together? Let's try and make it right."

"Okay. Okay, I'll try."

Exactly 30 minutes later there was a knock at the door. She opened it. Outside was her manager, Kevin's manager and to her astonishment, Shonda. She let them in, looking confused.

"Where is he?"

"In the kitchen prepping food... What are _you _doing here?" She stared into Shonda's eyes. Why would she be here? How did she know? Well obviously from the papers but still... She was her boss. Why would she come to her place while everyone was trying to fix what had happened.

"Well Sandra I got a bunch of calls from reporters who wanted my statement. I called your manager and realized how serious the situation was so I decided to come help you. Both of you. Because I consider you as friends, and good people. So I want to help."

"Okay I don't want to be rude or anything, but how could you possibly help in this situation?"

"Oh honey have you met me? I write stuff like that for a living! And you gave me the opportunity to test it in a real life situation." She grinned.

"So this is what? Your... guinea pig case? No offense, but I really don't need more drama than I'm already having."

"Well it is. A little. But I think that if you trust me, I really think I can fix this."

"Plus you think you could get a storyline for 'Scandal' out of it?"

"Yes. But I mainly just want to help you." They smiled at eachother.

"Okay. Thank you."

In that moment Kevin walked in with a plate of sandwiches in his hand. He stared at the two women in the living room. He was confused.

"Shonda? What are you doing here?"

"Oh she is bringing Olivia Pope to life and fix this."

"Wait what?" Now he was even more confused. Who the hell was Olivia Pope?

"Oh babe you need to watch more TV. But whatever. The important thing is that she's going to fix it. With our managers of course." She grinned and pointed at the two men sitting on her couch. They looked at them and waved. She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the couch. They sat down.

"Well let's get started then." Sandra's manager said. "In order to fix it, I need you to be completely honest with me. You think you can do that?"

"And you should really watch less TV but yes, I think I can do that."

"_We _can do that." Kevin pointed out and took her hand. In his eyes he saw her fear. She was trying to hide it but in her eyes, he could still see it.

"I guess that answers my first question." He said and stared at their hands.

"That depends on your question" She simply stated.

"You're pregnant. That's unfortunately pretty obvious." He sighed. "My question was, who the father is. But I think your... Kevin just answered it for you." He pointed at their hands again. She looked over at him. He could see the tears in her eyes. It hurt him to see her like that. Vulnerable and scared. He hated it. He wanted to tell her that it would be alright, that this was just a bad dream. But it wasn't. It was real. He put his arm around her and rested his palm on the side of her belly. He could feel the soft kicks from the baby. His baby. Their baby.

She took a deep breath and whipped a tear from her cheek.

"Yes, it's Kev's. Next question." She tried playing strong.

"How are you planing on doing it? I mean after it's born? What do you want to do? What did you want to tell the media? Because they would've found out eventually."

"Honestly, I don't know. We haven't really talked about that and Kevin's technically still with Jane and..."

"Oh about that. Mr McKidd I have something for you." Kevin's manager reached down to his bag. He took out a very formal looking piece of paper. "Your wife brought me those this morning. She already signed. She asked me to bring them to you." He stared at Kevin's face. "Divorce papers Sir. You filed them two weeks ago. Your lawyer approved."

"I – I know but... That was fast. And what about the kids?"

"They will stay with her mother. But of course you can get them whenever you want if Jane and the kids are okay with it."

Kevin swallowed. He would miss his kids. So much. He didn't know if he would be able to live that way. Only seeing them on very rare occasions. He wanted them to be with him. And Sandra and the baby. But then he realized that they weren't only his kids. They were Jane's too. He closed his eyes. Sandra could feel his pain. She knew how much the kids meant to him and she would've been happy to have them in her home. But a kid had to be with his mother. She squeezed his hand. Assuring him that it wasn't a lost case, that he still had her and her baby and that the kids would come visit and that there would be family vacations. It was her turn to show him that everything would be okay even if it seemed like everything was falling apart. There were no words exchanged. But he still knew what she was trying to tell him.

"Okay." he whispered. "Okay I'll sign them." He took the papers and a pen. He stared at Jane's signature. His marriage was really over. He hadn't realized what was going on until this very moment. The moment that ended their marriage once and for all. Was he really ready to do that? He looked over at Sandra.

"You know if you're not ready if you want to talk to her again.." 

"No... No I'm sure. It's just... She was my wife for almost 16 years. We have two kids together. I just need a moment."

"Okay." She put her hand on his arm. She knew that after all, he was still a good guy. He wouldn't just throw his marriage away without a good reason. And she didn't want him to. She knew that it would make him unhappy if she pressured him. She understood that he wanted a minute to overthink it again. He needed it. She wanted him to have a minute. No rush. She wanted him to be completely sure that she was the person he wanted to be with.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He moved the pen towards the paper. It was the right decision. The pen met the paper and before he knew what he was doing he had signed it. It was over. It was really over. A single tear rolled down his face. He felt Sandra's hand in his. He knew he had made the right choice.

"Back to business then." The manager said. "We need a statement for the press. It's already out in the whole world and we can't really deny that you're pregnant so I think that this is the best decision."

"What is the best decision?" Sandra asked looking at two men sitting across the table.

"To tell the world that you and Kevin are... Well what are you?"

"Since I am now officially divorced, I think that I am her boyfriend." He smiled.

"Okay then. I think we should tell them that you and Kevin are in a relationship."

"Are you sure that's the right thing?" Shonda interrupted.

"Well Ms. Rhimes if you have a better suggestion, we are happy to hear it. Enlighten us please."

"I think it would've been the right choice to tell them that they were together if a rumor would've been spread about them being together and not about the pregnancy. It's definitely too late for that now. However, Sandra hasn't confirmed her pregnancy, but there is no getting around that. I suggest at the next possible event, like and award show, a premiere, whatever, you just wear a dress that shows your bump. They won't ask too much if you do it then. But it would be good to choose something with a lot of really famous people so that you won't be the number one spot on their radar, but still stir some interest. Don't go with Kevin. He should move to a hotel. Just temporarily. That won't make them suspicious. We will go to the press, in a few days and state that he has been divorced, that will hopefully take their interest. Of course we have to calculate the risk that one of the reporters will connect the dots, but we will deal with that when it happens. I know that we have to tell them sooner or later, rather later though, but I think it's better if the news of the pregnancy sink in before we release the other... thing."

"Okay that sounds like a plan to me, but I think you're forgetting something."

"What?"

"Andrew."

"Oh damn. Yes I completely forgot about him. They're probably already after him."

"They won't find him. He's at his parent's in Ohio. He'll be safe there. And he won't say I word, I know that." Sandra whispered. She had been very quiet in those last few minutes. She now realized how her life was falling apart. Suddenly she looked up and stared at them.

"Oh my god."

"What is it honey?" Kevin asked concerned by the look on her face.

"My parents." 

"What about them?"

"I haven't told them."

"You mean you haven't told them that you're with Kevin? That's okay you still - "

"No. I mean I haven't even told them that I'm pregnant."


	14. Sympathy For The Parents

"I have to do it alone."

"No. No you don't. Please let me come with you. I want to support you."

"Okay the thing is... My parents are _very _traditional. And they have no idea that I broke up with Andrew or that I'm pregnant, let alone with a child that - "

"Oh so you're calling our baby a bastard? Are you serious right now?"

"No, no, no that's not what I meant. I don't see things that way. But they do. So I think it's best for everyone if I do it alone. Really."

"You know that I love you and that I just want you to be okay, right?"

"Yes, yes of course I know that. And I appreciate your offer, I really really do, but this is something you can't help me with."

"Okay. Okay I get it. Well, call me when you get there?!"

"Yeah I will."

**Welcome to Ottawa**

She read the sign. She hadn't been here in a while. Almost a year. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell her parents. Maybe they'd already heard it somewhere. That was very likely since she was kind of famous, especially in her hometown. Everyone gossiped there. Usually her parents never believed anything what they said, unless it came from her directly. She took a deep breath and stepped outside the airport. She took a cab to Nepean. It took about two hours to get there. Her parents lived in a beautiful little house outside the town center. It had a pretty big backyard in which she used to play as a little kid. She had had a great childhood. Her parents loved her and her siblings more than anything and wanted them to have everything they wanted. They hadn't been very happy when she chose to become an actress, but when they realized how much it meant to her and that she would be successful by doing what she loved, they eventually supported her.

And now, here she was, standing in front of her parent's house, afraid to go in. Would they resent her? Would they be okay with it? Probably not. She took a step forward, suddenly she heard a voice behind her.

"Sandy is that you?"

She turned around as she heard the familiar voice.

"Grace! What are you doing here?"

"Visiting Mom and Dad. Ray should be here soon."

"Why? I mean why are you both visiting them?"

"Because," she said reproachfully, "we do that every Sunday. We go to church, we come here, we have lunch. You would know that if you'd come here more often."

"Well that sounds like a nice tradition."

"So spit it sis, what brings you here?"

Sandra looked down. She didn't want to tell her sister without her parents knowing. Grace was almost as much of a gossip as the rest of the town.

"How about we just go in and we'll talk about it together. All of us. Is Ray gonna come too?" 

"Yes, I just said that. Well anyways, if it's about the rumors going around, don't worry, they had your back. They said you'd never do that. At least not without telling them before."

_Shit. _She thought.

"Well um.. let's go in then."

Grace grabbed her arm and held her back. She pulled her closer and whispered.

"They had your back. How could you do this to them?"

"Do what?" she hissed back.

"Oh you know exactly what. The rumors are all true, aren't they? Otherwise you wouldn't have showed up today. You never show up unless it's someone's birthday or Christmas. So yeah... I think you know what I'm talking about." She let go of her arm. And nodded towards the house. Sandra didn't have the energy to fight back right now. She just wanted to get it over with. She sighed.

"Let's just go inside."

Grace took out her key and opened the door.

"Mom, Dad, guess who I just ran into." They hung up their coats.

"Well I don't know Gracie. Tell us." She heard her mother's voice from the kitchen. Grace grabbed her hand and pulled her through the hallway to the kitchen.

"Hi Mom."

"Sandra? Is that really you?" She looked at her. First there was excitement in her face. She hated it that her daughter lived so far away and was always glad when she visited. But then she realized that they weren't done filming yet, so it was very unusual for her to fly up there and just visit. She never did that. The rumors. Her face expression turned sad. This was not how this was supposed to happen. But still, she stepped forward and hugged her oldest daughter. Her top was loose, so that she could hide the baby bump, but when she hugged her she could feel it. She smiled.

"Well I just made some tea. Let's go and have some."

"I'd love to."

They made their way to the living room. She sat down on the sofa. Her mother handed her a cup of tea.

"Where's Dad?"

"He's out with Ray. They'll be here any second now."

Two seconds later they heard a key being turned in the lock.

"See. Here they are."

"Dad, Ray, Sandra is here." Grace shouted down the hallway. A few seconds later, her father appeared in the door frame closely followed by her younger brother, Ray.

"Well this is a surprise. What brings you here darling?"

"Sit down. I need to talk to you."

"Is everything alright?" Her father asked in a concerned voice.

"Yes, it's just..."

"The rumors?"

"Yeah."

"Are they true?"

Silence.

"Sandra your father asked you a question."

She looked at her mother. She prayed that they would be okay with it.

"Yes. Yes they are."

"So I'm gonna be a grandfather."

"I guess."

"Did he propose?"

"Who?"

"Andrew. Who else?"

She swallowed. This was going to be the hard part.

"No. Andrew and I... We broke up."

"What kind of man leaves his pregnant girlfriend? I will find him and I will beat the crap out of him."

"Dad, no. He didn't leave me. I broke up with him. I think. We broke up with eachother."

"You should try with him again," her mother said, "he is the father of your child."

There was, again, an awkward pause. She wished Kevin would be here right now. He would've known what to say.

"Well... Not exactly."

"What do you mean, not exactly?"

"Andrew he... he isn't the father."

"You cheated on him?"

"I guess you could call it that."

She was very surprised how calm her parents were about it. She hadn't expected a reaction like this one.

"Can we meet this gentleman?Or does he not know about your... situation."

"Yes you can. And he knows." Sandra whirled around by the sound of the very familiar voice.

"Kevin, how did you get in here?" She screamed.

"The door was open."

"I told you I could handle this on my own."

"Yeah well I wanted to be here with you."

He walked towards her parents. They had a surprised but confused look on their faces. They'd seen him on TV. So he wasn't only her TV love interest. They were surprised, but yet pleased that her daughter had found such a handsome, kind gentleman.

"Kevin McKidd. Pleasure to meet you."


End file.
